Emotionally insecure/Health

Emotionally insecure?

Everybody has faced some sort of emotional insecurity at some point of time in their lives. Whether it’s feeling insecure when you see your girlfriend talking to a handsome-looking guy or the fact that your friend has lost oodles of weight thus, looks fabulous and you secretly fear that no guy/man is going to even notice you in her presence. Emotional insecurity can also arise on the professional front, for example, a colleague received a promotion and you did not, so now you feel that you might be sacked.

These feelings of insecurity range from rational to irritation and in varying degrees. However, for some people sometimes their insecurities tend to severely affect their personality, behaviour, relationships and social life. And that’s where the problem arises, which needs to be rectified.

Definition
“Insecurity is a feeling of general anxiety or nervousness that maybe conceived by perceiving of oneself to be unloved, inadequate or worthless in a rational or an irrational manner,” says clinical psychologist and trauma therapist, Seema Hingorrany.

A classic example of insecurity would be that wife tries calling her husband at work, and his phone is busy. She then starts conjuring images in her mind that probably he is talking to some other lady or has an extra marital affair. Jumping to conclusions without having sufficient evidence of it is emotional insecurity.

Veena Chakravarthy, psychotherapist, neuropsychologist and counsellor, says, “Emotional insecurity comes when an individual doesn’t value his/her self. Since absence of this gives rise to insecurity, fear, lack of confidence. All of these can trigger emotional disturbances and emotional insecurity.”

Dr Kanan Khatau Chikhal, clinical psychologist, says that in human beings there is a tendency to see ourselves as incomplete. And we feel the need to complete this either through a person or an object. If the search begins with incompleteness then it will also end with incompleteness. An object or person transiently will alleviate the insecurity and after sometime, on will again be reminded of his/her incompleteness.

Causes
There many reasons as to why emotional insecurity can occur in individuals. Hingorrany says that if during childhood a parent is unavailable and self absorbed, children get lost in their own inner world, avoiding any close, emotional connections. As adults, they may become physically and emotionally insecure in their relationships. Also, if a parent is inconsistent or intrusive, it’s a strong possibility that children become anxious and fearful, never knowing what to expect.

Complex Trauma’s like sexual abuse, physical abuse and death of a significant parent can cause emotional insecurities. Adults and children who are genetically predisposed to depression, anxiety and other mental health concerns suffer from emotional insecurity.

Effects
The negative effects of emotional insecurity can be felt on one’s personality, relationships and social life too. Hingorrnay says, “Insecure people tend to be very sensitive to critique and respond with defensiveness.”
Insecurity has many effects in a person’s life. There are several levels of it. It nearly always causes some degree of isolation as a typically insecure person withdraws from people to some extent due to frivolous fights and jealousy. The greater the insecurity, the higher the degree of isolation due to unfavourable demands they put on other people. People with emotional insecurities are more susceptible to depression and chronic psychological pains and other hosts of psychosomatic concerns.
Chakravarthy says, “Emotional insecurity can also give rise to shyness, social withdrawal, problems in relationships, paranoia, aggressive personality, controlling personality etc.”

Coping
Dr Kanan suggests technique like Vipasana and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), where working with the subconscious mind to help avoid emotional insecurity. Realisation that you are the only one who can fill the feeling of incompleteness and not another object or person.

Hingorrany shares the following tips:

• Become aware of your personal strengths and accepting yourself as a worthy person despite the weaknesses you have.
• Listen to how you treat yourself - the internal conversation you have with yourself is vital. Encourage positive self-talk.
• Work each day on improving self-esteem. It will not be an overnight change, but gradually you should start seeing positive results.
• Focus on your dreams and goals, rather than on things and people that cause you stress and negative emotions.
• When something goes wrong try to figure out a solution instead of wallowing in self pity.

Symptoms

• Feelings of sadness and hopelessness
• A loss of interest in daily activities
• Crying is also a common symptom
• Irritability
• Anxiety
• Low levels if energy
• Frequent mood swings
• Nervousness
• Fear of change
• Low self-esteem.

Source: Bombay Times